Bob and Jillian have nothing on these guys.

Every morning, I go down to our basement workout room and spend some time on the treadmill and then do weights, or legs, or abs. Every morning, Polka and Ella follow me down, watch me walk and then the minute I am on the floor, both of them are there "helping". Because when I am hot and sweaty and trying to do crunches or to stretch, what I really want is a hairy, hot dog body pressed up against me or even worse, a furry friend trying to kiss me every time I crunch up.

This shot is from this morning. We are dog sitting Lola, my parent's lab while they are out of town. Here you can see my personal trainers keeping me on track. Well, two of the them anyway, the black one was busy trying to eat my earbud. I think it is time to have the personal space discussion with them again.

Scouts Honor

Ethan's best buddy, Noah, recently joined Cub Scouts and asked if Ethan would like to join. Drew told him he shouldn't join because then he would have "to sell those cookies". After I clarified the difference between Boy and Girl Scouts, Ethan decided to go to one meeting to try it out. After the first meeting, I asked what they did and he said, "we learned about the flag and then practiced folding it the right way". Inside, I was thinking, booooooorrrrring but when asked if he liked it Ethan said, "it was AWESOME!". So he was hooked and we now have a Scout in the house.

Last night was his 3rd time going and he finally had his uniform. He was so proud of his shirt and told me to take his picture and to make sure to put it on Facebook so I can show my friends. He was awarded his first pin last night for learning about weather and he was super excited about that. He was asking me how long you can be in Scouts and I told him a person can get an Eagle Scout award which is the highest award in scouting. He said very determindly, "I am going to get that award".

Visiting the neighbors

The kids had Monday off for MLK Day. I took them to the doughnut shop and we went up to an overlook near our house to eat. It was one of those gorgeous Colorado days and we enjoyed our sugar and our panoramic view of the mountains. On the way home, we stopped to check out our bison neighbors who were happily munching their hay. Ethan was cracking me up telling them through the fence what tasty burgers they make. He is such a little comedian and he is right, they do make an excellent burger.

Some lessons learned in 2009

Last night as I was laying in bed at midnight (yes, I am boring but I am also well rested) listening to the fireworks and hoopla outside, I was thinking about this past year and some of the lessons learned this year.

* Here is the big one for me personally this year: we can't choose what happens to us in life, the only thing we can choose is whether we decide to suffer or rise above. Easier said than done in a lot of instances.

* Family is always important. Whether you are meeting all your first cousins for a laughter filled lunch or you are rushing to Utah to be with your dad for his bypass surgery, family are the people who remind you of where you came from and who always have your back. Always make time for them.

* When your oldest son tells you after school one day, "my penis was tingling today at school", it is imperative not to burst out laughing.

* Stubbornness, while it has some benefits, can sometimes not serve a person well. For example, when you have a herniated disc in your back, you don't stubbornly ignore it and run a half marathon anyway. You will be kicking yourself during the 2 outlandishly painful months that will follow.

* Having a friend who will call you everyday to ask how your back is feeling, listen to you complain about it and then tell you it is going to get better and she knows that because she has been through the exact thing, is a rare gift.

* It is nice to feel understood. Having a fun, supportive group of mom's to walk on this special needs journey with is priceless.

* Life is too short to wait to do the things we want to do. Which is how I ended up with this year's Christmas present and blistering fingers but a big smile on my face and a sense of excitement at learning something new.

I am sure I could go on and on because isn't life constantly full of lessons. I hope 2010 is a good year. I think almost everyone would prefer something better in the coming year than 2009 brought us all. I am optimistic that it is going to be something better if for no other reason than we all learned some things in this past, harder year.

Happy New Year!!!

Ms. Ella-Bella's 2nd Birthday

Yesterday was Ella's 2nd birthday. We went on a special trip to the big dog park that has a walking trail, agility things and lots of bushes with good smells. Afterwards, we took her down to the Wag N' Wash, our local doggie spa/bakery, and got her a frosted bone for her birthday. She was excited to be allowed to surf the counter and snack on her treat. The kids insisted on singing to her and at the end of it all, I got a big, sloppy kiss. We are so glad we have her in our family.

The trappings of my former life

We cleaned out our closets a few weeks ago and in the process uncovered all my running shoes from the past few years. Over my years of running, many shoes have been bought and discarded and these 7 were lingering around still for some reason. The white pair on the left, I ran my first marathon in. The sassy gold pair on the right, my second. There are stories and miles and conversations with my running buddy, Kelly, associated with each pair of those shoes.

I went to the Sports Authority the other day to get a new pair of running -wait, scratch that - workout shoes. Standing in the aisle, considering all the choices, I had a brief pang of sadness realizing that I no longer had to buy the amped up running shoes I have been buying the past 5 years. Darn herniated disc!! If you would have told me, 5 years ago before I took up running, that I would be sad about no longer being able to run, I would have told you to get your marbles checked. However, after 5 years of doing it and loving it, it has become so ingrained in me and so much a part of me that since stopping 6 months ago, I frequently dream that I am running. I always have to laugh a bit at my subconscious because in every dream, I am running along and there is always some point where I think to myself, "my back doesn't even hurt!"

Living here in Colorado doesn't help either. At any moment, on any day, I can see someone running in my community. I drive past and honestly can almost feel my legs aching, wanting to stretch out and go.

Standing in the shoe aisle, I felt that pang of sadness but also a little glimmer of possibility. There were trail shoes, crosstrainers, hikers and endless opportunities to discover another way to get out and go. After 36 years on this planet I have decided life is all about adapting and I am working on adapting.

Not looking for a consolation prize

Ethan's 2nd grade class had their Christmas party yesterday morning. Like all good stay at home moms, I came to the party to watch the kids do their thing. In Ethan's class is a girl who has special needs and who is part of Drew's significant special needs class. During the party, the kids all sat on the floor in a circle and played a game that involved opening a wrapped book but doing it following the direction of a poem. When this girl's turn came, she listened carefully to the directions and then with the help of her aide, shakily walked to the middle of the circle, chose a book and unwrapped it. While she was doing this, I was just looking around the room and I noticed all these women standing there clutching their hands and with an "isn't that so special" kind of look on their faces.

In an instant, I went from enjoying the party to feeling irritated. I usually don't get irritated or offended easily and I am generally pretty easy going. Someone could walk up to me and tell me they think I am dumb or ugly or whatever and honestly, it wouldn't phase me. However, when it comes to this stuff, I can't be so zen and I get irritated. While I appreciate that people mean well, I find it somewhat condescending and patronizing to have people fawning over anything a kiddo with special needs does.

It is the same irritation I have when people tell me, "you are blessed to have a child with special needs" or "those kids are such a joy!" You might as well give me a paper cut and pour lemon juice in it while you are at it because I am irritated, irritated, irritated!!!! Both of those comments almost feel to me like someone trying to offer me some sort of consolation prize for not having given birth to a typical child. As if they need to somehow assure me that it is okay that I didn't get that precocious, Gerber baby that all mothers secretly desire. How do I explain to a well intentioned person that what they see as a blessing and God at work to me sometimes feels really hard and like God is on strike? I certainly don't remember jumping up and down in the motherhood line yelling, "oooh, oooh, pick me, pick me."

Plus, my child may have special needs and he is a joy but he is also a little boy who sometimes gets mad or has tantrums. To make it all sound so rosy to me somehow undermines how difficult this journey really is. How hard it is to hear predictions about your child's future, diagnosis, i.q. test results and then to have to figure which of those "experts" yammering in your ear you want to embrace and which to ignore. To consider your child living at home forever and to try and figure out what is going to happen to them when you die. All those things, not so rosy.

I have probably now scared you all away from ever saying anything to me again about my son. Go ahead and talk to me about him but please, when you are coming at me with a cliche or platitude, maybe think again and think about something specific to him to tell me instead. I love my child dearly and think he is the most fabulous thing in the world and I really, truly don't need a consolation prize.