Pregnancy: Not the Most Natural Thing in My Opinion

from here

I am now almost 31 weeks along with this whole gestating two at once experiment.  My youngest child is 10 years old so it has been awhile since I have done the whole pregnancy thing.  With my other two, I had easy pregnancies.  No complications, no drama, felt alright and so on but I hated it none the less.  Those women who say they feel fabulous while pregnant or that they love being pregnant, well, I am convinced that if you look up insanity or perhaps masochism in the DSM (that would be Diagnostic and Statistical Manuel of Mental Disorders), you would see their photo in the definition.  Michelle Duggar, totally in there. 

Doing this again, and with two babies at once, everything I hated about pregnancy has been amplified and after this, I am going to be taking steps to make sure this will never happen again.  Never.  Ever.  Did I mention not again?

Here's my short list of what I won't miss about being pregnant.  (Oh, and let me just say, I totally get that being able to be pregnant is a gift and that some people struggle to be pregnant and would kill to complain about morning sickness.  I get that......still hate it though). 

1)  The Clothes:  Nothing makes a woman feel more beautiful than wearing pants with elastic panels or shirts that can double as a one man tent.  Manufacturers try to make the clothes hip or cute but I am not buying it.  One pair of maternity pants I bought several months ago was labelled "sexy bootcut".  Yeah, because there is nothing sexier than a woman who looks like she ate a basketball while sporting some elastic waist pants.  Super hot.

2)  The Aliens Effect:  Remember that scene in the Alien movie where the alien rips itself out of the guys belly?  At times, I feel like I can relate to that guy.  Having something living and moving inside your body is just weird.  Amazing as all get out, but weird.  With two in there, it is doubly weird.  Now that they are each about 3 and a half pounds, when they both get moving it just feels bizarre.  The other night at around 3 a.m. it seemed they had collectively decided that it was time to try and remodel my increasingly cramped uterus.  Maybe knock out a wall and add a nice extension.  Oh, and someone (Baby A, I am pretty sure it was you) seemed intent on trying to kick my bladder into pulp. 

3)  The Seemingly Simple Things That are Now Hard:  There could be quite a few things in this category, especially with this twin thing.  Things like tying my shoes, picking something up off the floor, climbing the stairs, rolling over in bed (now a process rather than a fluid movement), shaving my legs, walking farther than a mile, maneuvering through tight spaces, breathing (yes, breathing) and so on.

These are probably my 3 biggest complaints and really, I will be happy to soon have my body back to myself.  Fortunately, I have at the most 7 and a half more weeks of this and with twins on average coming at 35 weeks, I could be done much sooner.  Despite all the grumbling, I am excited to meet these two monkeys and to have two more kids running around my house, making me laugh and causing mayhem.  I am looking forward to things like this: